Need to burn time?

Go to wikihow.com and click random articles repeatedly for any length of time. Warning: results include hysterical laughter, insanity and much shushing. (You get away with it only if you're on the clock; patrons can never behave in this manner.)

Here are two of our many favorites:

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Calm-when-Many-People-Are-Yelling

http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Yoga-from-Your-Work-Place

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The New SuperHeros!

Librarian Action Figure
You can have all the books, magazines, periodicals, journals, videos, and CD ROMs in the world, but without a librarian you'll be frustrated and overwhelmed before you can say "Dewey Decimal System." And although most librarians can't travel faster than a speeding bullet, or leap over tall buildings in a single bound, they can direct you to an article on the physics of speed, an instructional pamphlet on high jumping, and a book of photographs of the world's tallest buildings. Each 5" tall, hard plastic Librarian Action Figure is modeled after Nancy Pearl, a real-life librarian in the Seattle area. Press the button on her back and her arm will move with amazing "shushing action!" Comes with a tiny plastic book and a stack of random literature. The card features a brief history of libraries on the back as well as a realistic check-out card in a classic library sleeve along with two bookmarks and a Nancy Pearl trading card!

Librarian Action Figure
item 11247
$8.95
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Wait...What?!?!

Babysitting

Have no where to send your children after school?

Teachers, are you tired of showing up for class?

Need to punish some poor soul?

SEND THEM TO THE LIBRARY!

We'll even take attendance.

Sparking...

Is strictly forbidden! And Librarians are not potential “Sparkees,” so take your sparkin’ ambitions some place else!

Thank You,
The Library Staff

P.S.
And if this warning is not immediately obeyed, you can expect the entire library staff to chase you…with sharp objects. Just so you know…

This is what I will do...

I quit!!!!

Pertinent Facts You Should Know About the Library and It's Librarians

1. Yes, the cameras work.
2. Yes, we have books.
3. Saying Thank you is appreciated.
4. 200's come after the 100's and so forth.
5. We don't know sign language or any other language you made up.
6. We can hear the bean bags.
7. Thanks for the confidence, but we must be honest. We don't know.
8. Do I look like a psychic?
9. The copier is self-explanitory.
10. We don't know when he will stop plunging the toilets.
11. Yes, we are watching you.

'nough said.

Quotes Often Heard in the Library

1. Do you have any books?
2. Do you know where the keychains are at Wal-Mart?
3. I just lifted. (We waited for clarification, but none came.)
4. Vigorous sign language. Point at unknown object.
5. So can we be friends?
6. I need a book. It is blue and white.
7. Do you have tissues?
8. As we are covering books: What are you doing? Our response: Breeding llamas.
9. We should start a blog.
10. Do you know what the tempature is outside?
11. I feel a little weirded out.

Yes, we have heard or seen them all.